


5 A.M.

by kiminseong



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 15:44:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12962709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiminseong/pseuds/kiminseong
Summary: "And what if we had another chance?" Jonghyun asked Minhyun one night. It took him completely by surprise, but of course he wanted another chance. "Even if we aren't guaranteed to be together again for a while?" There were some risks in the world that scared Minhyun, but none more scary than the careful man he had grown so close to.





	5 A.M.

His hand slid carefully into the older boy’s. It was steady, but that was from sleep. Usually they were busy at work, moving faster than they should have to. In his sleep, though, Minhyun cherished the way he watched his chest rise and fall steadily for the first time in the entire day. He knew that he would wake up to a cold bed, alone, later. Jonghyun would make his way out of the bed, silent, being sure to not wake Minhyun. Minhyun would hold the loneliness close to him, where he would then smile upon seeing the boy that left him alone. 

This routine was practiced carefully every morning, and maybe if Minhyun didn’t have trouble falling asleep at night, it would be different. Their bed would be what was left lonely, not Minhyun. They could wake up together. But the rise and fall of the boy sitting next to him assured Minhyun more than anything. His chest burned with the want to hold him closer, but he knew the other would oppose it. He was careful about the relationships he had with others; he was careful about the relationship he had with Minhyun. 

Minhyun harbored a hate for how careful Jonghyun was. About everything. He didn’t have a desire to be bad, but he had a desire to love every part of him, something that was not going to be as simple as he wanted it to be. He wanted Jonghyun to accept what he felt for him. But Jonghyun was careful. He was careful enough to never mention it. Not when they were alone, falling asleep at night. Not when they were talking to the other members about what they felt. Not when the managers asked if there was something more that was needed to be said. Never. 

He wasn’t even sure if the man he loved loved him back. 

 

Waking up took longer than usual, but still, Jonghyun’s hands found themselves nowhere near Minhyun to rock him awake. Instead, they were are of the edge of the bed, gripping sheets beneath him. He sobbed, and Minhyun woke to this sad song. He was silent in his cries. When Minhyun would try to comfort him, it would be done in silence, just as it was the other day. It wasn’t abnormal, for Minhyun to wake to Jonghyun in tears. It made him wonder if there was more to it than Jonghyun was willing to share. What made his tears fall?

A hand against Jonghyun’s back was intended to reassure him, but Minhyun was never sure if that is what he was doing. Sometimes Minhyun thinks that he isn’t supposed to see his leader a mess like he was. It was like seeing a man completely stripped of everything he knew. Jonghyun was good; he was talented. There is no reason that Nu’est didn’t succeed as much as they would have hoped, but their failure was evident in the dwindling fanbase, in the eyes of the producers, and in the tears of the leader, who blamed himself for how they fell apart before they were even built. He didn’t want to blame his leader, though, for the cloud above the members head of constant reminder that they aren’t successful. They could have been so much, but they didn’t take off in the same way anyone would hope. They were lucky for the events they were invited to, and they cherished the moments they were permitted to promote. 

They would be lucky for another chance, though, and all five of them were completely aware of that. As Minhyun sat, his limp hand pressing lightly against the small of Jonghyun’s back, he was silent in his pity. He didn’t wallow, but he did beg. He begged for something more to happen today. Every member of Nu’est deserved something wonderful, so why couldn’t they change their lives right now? 

It was rare that Jonghyun would speak up while enveloped in his own tears, but he did today. His blurry, brown eyes met Minhyun’s. They were extraordinarily pretty, and he hoped that the owner of them was aware. Minhyun felt that his beauty was simple to understand. He was pretty, especially for a boy. He probably deserved to be called the visual of Nu’est, but that didn’t take away from the beauty the other members held. Especially not from what Jonghyun held. His beauty wasn’t all on the surface. It was in every part of him, even the way he cried for the group he had blindly led nowhere. 

“Would you accept another chance, even if it means we won’t be together when it is all said and done?” he asked. The question probably made more sense to him, but Minhyun couldn’t make sense of it. It could be interpreted or broken down in so many ways, but none of them were in a context that Minhyun fully understood. It was likely that Jonghyun knew more than him; he was the leader. 

“What do you mean?” 

“If we got another chance, would you take?” 

“Of course,” Minhyun spoke without thinking. He let Jonghyun finish before speaking, but the seconds between his voice and Jonghyun’s were limited. 

“Even if we weren’t guaranteed to be together for a while?” he asked again. This was the part of the question that confused Minhyun. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“If we were able to join Produce 101 this season, would you?” Minhyun felt his heart stop in his chest. He knew that the group formed from this sickening idol survival show was temporary, but that scared him, too. Leaving Jonghyun and Minki and Dongho and Aron scared Minhyun, but growing with these trainees who have never had a chance before him and then leaving them scared him as well. Bonding with these boys and then leaving them was terrifying, but he didn’t know whether or not it would be scarier to compete with them and make them feel as if they are at a disadvantage. 

Minhyun knows they wouldn’t be, at a disadvantage, that is. Nu’est wasn’t successful and they were hardly recognized as a group. Their managers put as little money into them as possible, and their fanbase is depleting despite the albums Nu’est relentlessly puts out. It feels like a waste; so many songs were spent on a group that wasn’t successful. But MInhyun had hope. And so did the other four, or they wouldn’t be together still, after five years of never growing as large as they would like. 

So was a survival show really their last hope? They were lucky they didn’t have to startup with one, like so many groups did, but those groups were successful, weren’t they? One of the most notable groups to have been formed via survival show was I.O.I, though. The first group that was formed by Produce 101. Maybe this would give Nu’est the recognition they deserved.

“I guess I would. We would be able to come back together in the end, right?” Minhyun asked for confirmation even though he knew the answer. Those poor girls were forced away from each other without one regret from the company, so was he really ready for that? He didn’t ever think he would be, but he wasn’t ready to leave Nu’est. If one of the made another was bound to; they were all extremely talented. “Why are you asking, though?” Minhyun interrupted his own thoughts. 

“Pledis only has us to be considered for the show…” Jonghyun admitted. Each word sounded choked. Five years since their debut and they could still be considered trainees in a survival show. But like Minhyun had thought before, they wouldn’t be at an advantage because of their experience. If anything, them being an older group that people have seen enough of, if they have seen them at all, puts Nu’est at a disadvantage. 

“So we can have another chance?” Minhyun asked the boy across from him. Maybe Minhyun was being more optimistic about it than he was supposed to. 

“Yes, but it isn’t like we are all guaranteed to make it…” Jonghyun trailed off. 

“I understand, but putting ourselves out there and making ourselves known is bound to help us more than hurt us, right?” Minhyun asked him. It all seemed so obvious to Minhyun. They were talented individuals, there was no way they wouldn’t succeed. “Besides, if any of us are guaranteed a spot, Jonghyun, it’s you,” Minhyun followed up, nudging the boy lightly. Jonghyun only smiled, but that was enough for Minhyun. 

Of course, everything wasn’t going to be as simple as Minhyun wanted it to be. It was actually unlikely all of Nu’est would make it in, but he wanted to do anything to help his group out. It was scary, though, knowing that one of them might go further than the rest. 

 

“Hwang Minhyun!” 

It was all too realistic, his name being called out like that. Of course he was going to make it. All four of them had done so well the entire show, Jonghyun better than any of them. Of course he was going to make it, but what of the rest of them? There were trainees standing with him that were guaranteed a spot among the top eleven. There was no way to go about looking at it; unless he was eleventh, Jonghyun wasn’t going to make it. And not Minki, poor Minki, who stood among them and listened despite how hard he had worked the whole time. Not Dongho who had fought for this spot since the second he auditioned for the show. Not any of them. 

 

_ Fourteenth wasn’t so bad,  _ Jonghyun thought to himself.  _ It could be worse.  _

Jonghyun would be able to live with fourteenth. He had placed well before the finale, too, so it wasn’t such a loss. It was sad, though, seeing so many people disappointed he wasn’t able to make it on. He had given it his all, but it didn’t pay off. It wasn’t like he wanted to beat anyone else out of a chance to win; he just wanted to show everyone what Nu’est could really do. He would have to do that as Nu’est now, though. 

 

“I am so proud of you, Minhyun!” Jonghyun’s voice teased. Minhyun was happy to see him so happy, even though he hadn’t placed. Minhyun had nearly lost all the tears in his body, but, surprisingly, they still threatened his eyes. Apparently he hadn’t lost as many as he was capable of losing. 

“Thank you, Jonghyun, but you deserved this more…” Minhyun choked. He didn’t want to cry again. His eyes still stung from earlier. He wanted to be strong for Jonghyun, too. It seemed selfish to be the one crying when he made and the others didn’t. 

“No, Minhyun, you deserved this. You worked so hard, and you are so talented.” 

“That isn’t to say you aren’t the same or didn’t put out the same,” Minhyun tried, calming himself with deep inhales as he fought the relentless urge to cry. 

“I know that I worked hard, and I was recognized for doing well, but I didn’t make it, and you did. Why waste my time being sad for myself when it feels a lot better being happy for you?” Minhyun let himself smile at this. It was so easy for Jonghyun to make him smile.

“You are so much, Jonghyun. I am so sorry.” And he cried again. Tears fell from his eyes steadily, slowly. His crying didn’t last long, though. “I am going to miss you. I am going to miss all of you.” Minhyun admitted when he was finished. 

“I know. That’s good, though. It will be normal to miss us, we have been together for five years,” Jonghyun explained while Minhyun only nodded. Minhyun didn’t know why it was so easy for Jonghyun to calm him down. He didn’t know why it was so easy to love him even still. 

“I know you are sick of me ignoring it,” Jonghyun started, surprising Minhyun. He didn’t have any idea what he was talking about, but he let Jonghyun continue, “...and I am sick of ignoring it.” There was a brief pause before Minhyun felt Jonghyun’s lips crash against his own. 

They were chapped from being bitten, and Minhyun’s probably didn’t feel much nicer, but he didn’t really care. He kissed back harder than Jonghyun had kissed him initially, but that didn’t seem to bother either of them. They fell into one another, on top of each other, onto the little bed that Minhyun was going to have to leave for good after this was all said and done. But he wanted tonight. He wanted to kiss the man he loved tonight. He wanted to forget all of his worries and hold him close. 

“I love you,” Minhyun whispered in between kisses instead of taking a breath. It wasn’t hard to say, in fact, it felt completely normal. He smiled against Jonghyun’s lips, something that was harder for him to do because of the boy kissing him relentlessly back, but it was nice. Jonghyun broke them apart just seconds after the words were said. 

His forehead leaning against Minhyun’s own, he whispered the same three words back. It was the same three words Minhyun was scared he would never get to hear from the boy who was always too careful. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! I appreciate comments and kudos if you want to leave any! Thank you for taking some time to read!


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